February 2025 will end soon, and I have been too numb to feel or enjoy the festivity of new year that for some people is considered as the right time to contemplate, celebrate or make a new plan or new moves in their lives. I entered 2025 with a sort of empty feeling, I truly do not have any idea what to do, what to reflect, what plan I have to make not to mention how to celebrate the moment. I am just breathing, eating, sleeping, working and do other basic things needed to be alive.

Does it sound bad?, is it an obvious sign that I have been stressed out or am I on a survival mode now? I really don’t know. Speaking about survival mode , that terms is obviously too harsh, this what I found on https://www.psychiatrycentre.co.uk/:

“Survival mode is an informal term usually used to describe a state in which our nervous system is dysregulated – often because of prolonged stress. Usually when our sympathetic nervous system (that governs our body’s fight or flight response) and our parasympathetic nervous system (PSNS) that controls our ‘rest and digest’ response, are out of balance.”

I do experience stress from time to time, but I don’t think it could be categorised as a “prolonged one”, and I am too scared to imagine that my nervous system now is broken. It is true that I don’t often feel happiness, joy or excitement now, but I am not always sad neither constantly in misery. I rather say that currently I am in a flat mode, my life just seems like a boring routine.

It may sound that I am such an ungrateful jerk considering many good things in my life, in 2024 I traveled abroad several times, I do have a good position at work, I have a growing relationship, I hang out with a small circle of great friends, I do good with my family, and yet I still feel hollow at heart. The most significant impact of this situation is now I have a sleep problem, I do not fall asleep easily almost every night, so I can not wake up early, well I really need to do something about it.

Although I am now living uninteresting and boring life, I reckon that I do manage to still be function, I still try to give my best at work, I do try to have a healthy habit like consume clean and healthy foods and do some exercise occasionally, I hang out and share good times with good friends frequently. Well it seems that generally I just live my life as it should be.